Join us today as we learn from Emmy and Mae. They're here to share their experiences and wisdom, particularly focusing on how to unleash the power of preparation and understand other people's objectives. You'll discover how to build faith and trust in your dialogues, the significance of 'the pause,' and how to set the stage for difficult conversations, all in the name of improving communication.
But the journey doesn't stop there — we'll also uncover the game-changing role of intent in our interactions with others. It's all too easy for our true intentions to be misunderstood, which is why it's crucial to clarify them based on who we're communicating with. Emmy and Mae will reveal how they've tailored their communication to different personalities, and the undesirable outcomes from failing to convey intent correctly. So get ready for a deep dive into the world of mindful communicating, where understanding your intent can drastically influence your conversations and lead to more positive experiences.
Join us today as we learn from Emmy and Mae. They're here to share their experiences and wisdom, particularly focusing on how to unleash the power of preparation and understand other people's objectives. You'll discover how to build faith and trust in your dialogues, the significance of 'the pause,' and how to set the stage for difficult conversations, all in the name of improving communication.
But the journey doesn't stop there — we'll also uncover the game-changing role of intent in our interactions with others. It's all too easy for our true intentions to be misunderstood, which is why it's crucial to clarify them based on who we're communicating with. Emmy and Mae will reveal how they've tailored their communication to different personalities, and the undesirable outcomes from failing to convey intent correctly. So get ready for a deep dive into the world of mindful communicating, where understanding your intent can drastically influence your conversations and lead to more positive experiences.
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Speaker 1:
This is Unleashing Leadership and I'm your host, travis Moss, and you are listening to a special team interview with some amazing women, emmy and May. We are going to be diving into their actual real life experience with some of the lessons learned from Surrounded by Idiots, how they've applied them, what they've learned. There are 13 episodes in all. I know 13 is a lot, right? 13 entire days of listening to takeaways on Surrounded by Idiots, but there were 13 unique and complete thoughts about what you can do to use this information in your life to better your client experience, to better your employee experience, to better your business experience, to better your own experience. We didn't want to waste any of them. So there's 13 straight from the heart, life changing takeaways with lots of laughs and even some tears.
Speaker 1:
Emmy and May are some of my team members at Seed Planning Group and you can get a face with a name and more information about them from seedpgcom that's S-E-E-D-P-Gcom, and I want to encourage you to go there and look them up, because if they say something special or something that touches your life or leaves an impression to you, or you have a question about some of the things that they've mentioned because again they're living this they deserve to know how special they are. Let them know so, without further ado, please enjoy.
Speaker 2:
I'll tell you what the serious side of you is very intense. That was really good, though, because what I was thinking there is you were talking about being prepared. Yeah, and you know. You see the sports posters about, you know successes, about preparation and stuff, and here you're talking about being prepared, and even talking to people. You're going into meeting. All your prepared. I mean, how many people do you know that they don't even know they have a meeting yet alone that haven't looked at the agenda or haven't really thought about it or haven't thought about what they want to get out of the meeting? They just walk into a meeting, and I think that that's interesting. Can would either of you talk a little bit more about preparation and how you're using these skills to prepare for the way that you're communicating with people?
Speaker 3:
Yeah, and that is so a red question.
Speaker 2:
Notice how I was ready to? Yeah, I didn't put her hand up, she's just like I got this.
Speaker 3:
So actually we just had what we call our team time earlier this week about some of the best chapters in crucial conversations that really correlate to the Surrounded by Idiots book, and three questions it tells you to ask yourself before going into a crucial conversation or if one is really presented to you unexpectedly is do people know that I care about their objectives in this discussion? Do they have faith in my good motives and do they trust that I have respect for them? And really making sure you know the intentions of the other person to and not being afraid to we. You know, one of the big things we talk about as a team is the power of the pause. Make sure you're taking that time. Don't be afraid to ask the other person what are your objectives, what do you hope to get out of this conversation, what's the end goal? And making sure that you feel safe in that conversation.
Speaker 3:
Some of the other things that you can be prepared about to and I've learned this recently and I actually tried it this week with a green on my team who does not like conflict, does not like criticism. You know, oftentimes you go to them and you talk about things and they feel very attacked, especially from a red who is very direct and blunt, is preparing them as much as you can ahead of time, not just yourself, but letting them know. Hey, fyi for this meeting here some of the things we're going to talk about. I know it's going to be a harder conversation for you. I want you to be prepared. Here's the things I want you to think about. Go into it with what is the best possible outcome for this information that you're going to get.
Speaker 2:
Yeah, I think what you said. There too, it's okay to let, if you know you're dealing with a certain type of person, to prepare them for the conversation. I think that's huge. But you said three things. You say faith and trust were the last two. What was the first one?
Speaker 3:
The first one was objectives. Do people know that I care about their objectives in that discussion? So I think that is really big for a red, because if I'm going into a conversation, you know, you know this, travis, you're a red, probably more than me. When you go in, a lot of times you're just facts. Hey, blah, blah, blah. This is what I need. This is what happens Sometimes. We forget the niceties of hi, how are you, how's your day been? Because we're just focused on the end goal. But does that person receiving that from you know your objectives in that discussion or do they think you're coming in hot?
Speaker 3:
Gotcha, and then faith was do they have faith in my good motives? So, as a manager, you know if I'm bringing something to one of my you know team members and I'm talking to them about maybe something that they have made a mistake on or need to grow and improve on, do they have faith that my motive is pure in this conversation, that I am here to support them, that I am here to truly see and help them succeed in every way possible?
Speaker 2:
And then the trust is.
Speaker 3:
Do they trust that I have respect for them, Do they know that I value and respect them, not just as an employee but as a person? I think that gets lost a lot and when you can make sure you have fostered that relationship with whoever it is that you're dealing with and you have voiced, you know especially to someone like a yellow, like may if you have voiced that they are valued, that you trust them, it is going to make those conversations much easier.
Speaker 2:
I think this is interesting because I think one of the things that happens because I've had it happen after somebody reads this book is I had somebody come to me and with an issue and we were trying to talk to the issue and they were acting very abnormal and I said to them I'm like why are you doing this? And they said well, you're red, I'm trying to act more red. I'm like well, you're green, don't pretend to be me Right? I think what you're saying there is one of the things that you could do is you can go to somebody who's a different color and to show them that you care, that you have good motives and that you have respect for them. You could say I'm going to be direct. Is it OK if I'm direct?
Speaker 3:
Yeah.
Speaker 2:
Or I know that you like a lot of details. Would you like me to go through the details first? Or this is going to be a tough conversation. I want to make sure that we have some extra time. Here's what we're going to be talking about tomorrow, so you can get prepared. Or you know, I mean like like it's OK to go to somebody knowing who you're going to be talking to, I think and ask it's a rhetorical question because you know what the answer is going to be but by asking for permission and saying, hey, is it OK if I'm direct with you? Or let's say that you're red and you're going to be talking to a green or a blue or even a yellow, and you have to be really direct because you don't have time. If you've profited, as I'm not upset with anybody, we're really short on time I really need to tackle this first and then we can come back and talk about the rest of this stuff. That helps them understand that you're not in attack mode, you know? Or the same thing. I mean blues do this all the time. They're going to over, explain stuff. You know I'm a red. I'm sitting here, going get to the freaking point. I know. You know your numbers. You're blue, I know you got it right and I'll ask you clarifying questions, but I don't need the whole backstory to get to the end, right, and so it's, if you can have better communication so that it's not insulting, Because that's really what it does. It comes off as insulting, right, and once we're insulted we're like they don't care about me or you know they don't get modest.
Speaker 2:
There was a podcast. I just listened to the Jack O podcast, so he's ex military guy and everything, but he was talking. This is what he suggested that you do before every meeting. He actually he suggested that you write out your intent for the meeting on a piece of paper, as if you were going to put it on your forehead. So you have your intent on your forehead. And he was really talking more in the grand scheme of things, every meeting you have.
Speaker 2:
If the intent is about yourself, it's going to come across as it's about yourself, but if the intent is about others, it's probably going to come across. But I think you have to go a step further, because I think you have to talk about these skills here that you're talking about and say, because I've seen it happen to me, I can have great intent, but everybody thinks I'm a jerk Because the you know I'm not very good with the pleasantries or something like that, right, um, and so it's. It's what is my actual intent, and is my intent good? And am I helping you understand that my intent is good? Like, I'm here for us and I'm here for the team and I care about what you think, but right now, what you think, I'm not ready to hear about it Because I got this fire I got to deal with right, or something like that, instead of being like, yeah, shut up and sit down, you know which, depending on who you are, you know it can come across that way.
Speaker 3:
And I think you need to explain that intent differently depending on who you're dealing with. One of the things that I took from the crucial conversations book and you know, kind of put together with the different ways to communicate with the different colors from the surrounded by idiots book, is A line that says conversations often go off track not because of the content itself, but because people believe you have a negative intent that is hiding behind the content.